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And Onto Something Completely Different...

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And this evening I have something completely different to share with you...
It's almost like night and day when compared to the previous 5 posts; almost, not quite literally a new life; but definitely life-changing in almost every way for us.
We are no longer an 'allergy-family'.
I know; it is seriously that life-changing, that it needs to be BIG, BOLD and BEAUTIFUL! As anyone with allergies can understand - to suddenly be 'ok' again, is in every way, a miracle. And this story really is just that - nothing short of a miracle.
It has been six months now, and I haven't shared this on social media at all - mainly because I just don't know how to... I have talked about it in real life, and shared it with people; but haven't written about it yet. There is no explanation, no reason, nothing definitive to explain what has happened - I sometimes wonder if people will think I must have been over-dramatising the allergies initially. But you can't over-dramatise t…

Dad - The Final Chapter... Saying Goodbye.

All she said was that you'd taken a turn for the worse, and  I had better come home... I dropped everything and ran out of the office sobbing "Dad is bad, I have to go"; once I got to the car, I rang Luke to meet me there (he was still dropping the kids off at school); and I drove like a mad woman all the way around to your house praying constantly (and in a flood of tears the whole time). "Hang in there Dad, hold on - I need to say goodbye first. I am not ready yet, so hang in there" over and over again - how I got there safely, and didn't get pulled over nor hit anyone, is just God looking out for me. Mum says I turned into the drive so fast she thought I was going to take the gate out. I will never forget that phonecall...
You were still with us - to this day I am not 100% sure of exactly what happened, but I understand you'd decided to try having a shower by yourself, so had got up while Mum was in the kitchen, to get yourself ready. Mum came out to …

Dad's Final Month - Part 3

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Finally, on the Sunday morning; after a weekend vomit-free, I got up to see you and spend an hour or so by myself with you. You were brighter than when I had last seen you at the Hospice, so I was pleased about that - but you were obviously very fragile; however knowing that Brendon was arriving the very next day had you all upbeat and excited! You could never spend enough time with him, and always hated goodbyes - so this was a precious week.
I worked on the Monday, and popped up to the hospital that evening to see you and Brendon. Mum was up there of course, she hardly left your side - she'd even had to let go of attending Karla's wedding in Australia, because you had gone downhill so fast; and later on Amy (sis-in-law) also joined us... and it is an evening none of us will ever forget. You were in fine form, and had us and your roommate in stitches - I can't remember another night like it, but you were on a roll and happy to have an audience willing to laugh at everythin…

Dad's Final Month - Part 2

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The next day, Sunday 9th April, we got a call from Mum to say she'd taken you up to the ED for rehydration again - you were only in for a few hours, and then released. I got up for a little while that afternoon, and had noticed a big change in your overall demeanor - you seemed to have finally made peace with your future, and with what was happening. I don't know what happened, I never got to ask - but this felt like a huge break-through for me, as until that day you were still quite angry and in denial to some extent. Unfortunately the rehydration this time made no difference, and you continued vomiting and ended up back there again the next day... 
At the local hospital being rehydrated... again.
Once more the local Doctors appealed to Waikato for treatment options, and again they declined you; however this time the local Doctor was as frustrated as we were getting, and decided to take a long hard look at your file. It was then that we discovered why Waikato felt you were too …

Dad's Final Month - Part 1

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Over the next few days / week, I will be publishing a series of posts that document Dad's last month with us... I wrote this up last week, and it is more for my family and myself, so we don't forget all those little details. 
But be aware that my posts are going to be very single-focused over the next little while, and I am not going to apologise... this is how I work through things, I write; always have, and quite likely always will. I haven't always published them online admittedly - but times are changing. I also believe that grief is something everyone will have to endure at some stage in their lives, and while everyone works through things differently, there are still certain steps we all take as we weave our way through this unfamiliar territory. 
So this is also for those who have lost a loved one - a parent in particular... I know my journey is not the same as yours,, but we have both loved and lost a little bit of our heart. And while I don't dare dream of sayin…

Missing You Today...

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Dear Dad,
It's been a month now; and I miss you today even more than I did when we said farewell... maybe the shock is wearing off, and the reality of living without you is settling in, whatever it is - it doesn't take much to get the tears flowing these days.

It has been a long month, and yet it feels like time has flown... I can't believe I have had a whole month without you; we have survived two birthdays already, and today it's mine. First birthday without you - such a bitter sweet day. I am trying to make it a happy day, doing things my way; not following any traditions this time, as it just reminds me of you. So instead I am going out for lunch with a close friend, and then I am cooking dinner - Mum is coming as usual, but you should be there as well... Saturday night dinners are the hardest, and today is Saturday; a double blow, or a double blessing - who knows? I also have a couple of local friends bringing dessert, and Mum is making my favourite cake - ginger ca…