The first of the better poems (I hope...)!

An Ode to Survival

This was written the day I 'learnt' I had been sexually abused... sounds strange I know, but I was very young when it all started (age 2, went through until I was 6 years old). I knew 'something' was wrong, something had happened to me - but it wasn't until I got clarification from my Mum that I finally started putting the missing pieces together.

So after all this time
I have discovered finally
That it has also happened to me

It is a relief to a point
It explains a lot of stuff
About myself that
I am not happy about
I know now that
Those things are not my fault

But I am the one left
To face up to them
To deal with them
To forgive the perpetrator

He is a traitor
My Grandfather
He had my whole trust
And child-like love
But he didn’t deserve it
He used it
Abused it
And never came back to say sorry

Now I am left
To pick up the pieces
To start over again
With this knowledge
Deep inside me
That I am no longer
Pure, innocent and
Definitely not child-like

He never said sorry
Never asked for forgiveness
Never felt guilty
So I am left now
To apologise for him
To forgive him
And to feel the guilt
That should have been his.

BUT YOU ARE NOT GOING
TO DEFEAT ME AGAIN
WITH GOD’S HELP
I WILL GO ON WITH MY LIFE
I WILL SURVIVE

© 15 October 1997
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