Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Why I Finally DID IT!

And yes I know what some of you are going to read into that title - but this is a 'family friendly' blog; honest :-)! And it all points back to this  post from a few days ago... 

I promised back then I'd explain a little as to why I finally bit the bullet and asked for help; and I also said I'd be using this blog to chronicle the journey - so here is the first installment of my 'Getting Help' Journaling!

The reasons I needed to make that call:

- I cannot sleep:
I have never been a great sleeper through-out my entire life! Mum said she could count on one hand how many times I slept through the night through-out my entire pre-school years! She was getting up to me almost every single night until I started school and was just TOO tired to wake. (I SO wouldn't put up with that from Button or any other child - a couple of bad nights has got to be better than years of interrupted nights!)! 

So I am still a bad sleeper - have tried all kinds of things over the years; but other than pregnancy exhaustion when pregnant with Button, nothing has ever lasted long enough to form good habits for me... so here is hoping I can change this, and quickly!!!!!

- Fear:
After having had a reflux baby, and crashing with PND, I have been quite fearful of what could be coming up after this pregnancy! I have not let myself get excited... and while I say all the right things to people (I have the support around me this time, we'll get on top of it straight away this time, I have to keep going out due to Button this time - so no hiding away, at least I know what I could be expecting this time etc etc etc); it hasn't stopped me worrying and becoming quite fearful. In fact I had yet to even become excited or enjoy the pregnancy (and it has been an EASY pregnancy)... but the other day I felt the baby kick for the first time, and got to have cuddles with my 6.5 week old niece - and suddenly those hormones kicked in, and I realised I AM excited (whew) and can't wait to meet this wee one!

- Control Freak:
I am a control freak, and I also need to know in advance what to expect from my day... I don't adapt easily, I don't change my plans easily and I just don't cope with the unexpected. Part of this is due to 'stuff', and part of it is personality - but these 'strengths' are weaknesses when dealing with children, especially at the toddler age. There are days that I feel completely out-of-control and over-whelmed, and yet Button hasn't really done anything to deserve this neurotic and stressed out Mother. I see other Mothers cope with these changes, and worse - and yet I become a blubbering mess over it all. I want strategies in place to help keep me calm and cope with 'general life' issues.

That is enough of the 'real me' for one post ;-)! I think these are the main points that I discussed on Saturday... could be more, but can't think of any others right now.


6 comments :

Cat said...

arms wide open with love xxx
you'll get there with time love and patience

Aynsley said...

Wow I've finally got the comments working again! I'm sure this pregnancy will go swimmingly and you will cope well during the "fourth trimester" as well. Every child is different and this baby may be supper cruisey and have no reflux. Good luck! Aynsley

MaxineD said...

Just a thought - control comes from the fear???? .
Blessings
M

Amy said...

Hey Elizabeth,
I think sometimes the hardest part is acknowledging what is going on in our heads...hard to deal with until it is 'out in the open' so to speak. So you should give yourself a really big pat on the back ('cos I can't give you one from here and Mr C might go a bit overboard! ;op). Praying that God speaks to you over and over again throughout this pregnancy and the years that follow.
Amy

Anonymous said...

I can guarantee you no two children are the same, so you can be absolutely assured that No. 2 will NOT be the same as Button. Also you are now an experienced mummy not an amateur this time round so you will probably find that you are more able to discern between the important and not-so-important more easily and stress less.
Also just remember that you ARE a great mum. We all have weaknesses and our sucky days. I think that is called HUMAN.
Now guess who I am! XX

Anonymous said...

Definitely more than one anonymous writing on this blog! That is going to be hard work to figure out!

Babies and toddlers are hard work for us control freaks! Good work getting some help now. A very wise decision :) Also, as parents we all have our different challenges. I cope ok with the sleeplessness of the first year but the terriffic twos send shivers down my spine just thinking about them. Heading there again soon.... (consider that another clue!)

xx Anonymous
P.s. Some of us just cry once we get home :(
P.p.s. Now I know how you find time to blog, you don't sleep ;)!