5@5 - Me!


* I am 37 years old... yikes, did I say that outloud!?! Age is an odd thing though, as 37 sounds old and like I should 'have it altogether' but I don't feel it (well, most of the time anyway)! I am often quite worried that one day someone will turn up and yell out that I am a fraud - I'm not the good mother / nice friend / lovely daughter (inlaw) / sweet sister-in-law / gorgeous (hahaha) wife that I try to portray myself to be; that really I am some kid in an adult body just playing pretend (see - I was going somewhere with the whole age thing here)!

* I love writing - I don't really know if I am any good; people tell me I have a gift, but to be honest I only ever share my writing with people I KNOW will tell me this! So reality is - I still question myself... maybe I am, but maybe it is more that I NEED to write, rather than the literacy world needs me!

* I love my family - I would do whatever it took to keep my kids (and hubby) safe... seriously, the whole 'Mother Lion' thing goes on here; don't mess with my children! BUT, they also drive me insane and nearly to distraction - there are times when I really don't want to be a Mum anymore (at least briefly anyway). I never believed kids could do this to you, but it is true and SO much more... if my kids turn out to be good people, then it is not through MY parenting!

* I am obsessively analysing E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G - seriously, it drives my husband insane; he constantly tells me to 'stop thinking and just go to sleep'! But every little word, every little nuance, every little comment - it is analysed, from the kids and him right down to people I have never met before! Shameful, as I probably tend to err on the side of negativity and assuming the worst - I try not too, but I just do. I suspect I have lost friends because of this trait... no one has actually told me this; but I have analysed it thoroughly and come to that conclusion ;-)!!!!!!

* I also tend to live behind the lense... I have just come to the realisation that one day I am going to go through all my photos and realise that I was never 'in the moment' with the kids, rather I 'saw' the moment and captured it; but they will only remember it as me not being there. I need to step out from behind the lense, and experience life with them at times - the world won't stop because I missed taking photos one day!


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