Let's Get Real...

Things have changed around here, and I don't like it...

I have been contemplating for a while now, why I just don't seem to pick up the followers; there are many who have been blogging less time than me and yet seem to have a horde more followers. I have been secretly wondering if maybe because I can be negative - my 'honesty posts' scare people off, I had a few of the 'bigger' (kiwi) bloggers following me when I first started, but a bunch of them have dropped off. I was thinking 'I have always written like this; so why should I change'?!?

But I went back a-ways, started rereading some of my earlier posts... and realised - I HAVE changed! I haven't always been this negative; not even my 'honesty posts' had the negative edge to them that my general writing has had these past few months / year or so. I can't tell you when it did change, I can't pin-point a time, a post, a moment when life suddenly seemed bleak and dark, and my writing started imitating this... because life isn't bleak, it isn't dark - it is my mind. I am not struggling with depression, but I do struggle getting my thoughts under control; and as tends to happen - when your mind goes down that road, your heart follows. What is in your heart, comes out of your mouth; or in this case, out through my fingers, polluting cyberspace! I have been working on it in my personal life; but hadn't realised how much of it has pervaded other aspects, including my writing.

So this is an apology - an apology for filling your screen with negativity, an apology for possibly bringing you down when you've been struggling, an apology for making my life sound dark and bleak when it isn't... I am blessed, I am one of the lucky ones. I know this, I am well aware of it and I need to start documenting it is AS IT IS, not how I think it is!

I will still be real and honest, but I will be more careful how I word it... I will also be more careful how I write about my family. I love my sis-in-law's blog, how she writes so positively about her son and her husband (my brother) - I want to emulate this! I still want to journal my family and what they get up to; but should anything happen to me and the kids find this years later - I want them to read this with a smile on their faces, knowing their Mum loved them. Right now, I am not sure they could do this; right now, I doubt they'd understand where I was coming from as they weave and wind their way through my negativity.

So, this is an 'honesty' post at it's best... promising changes, promising 'real honesty', and promising the 'silver lining' that my header says I look for!

So I hope you'll stay around, wait and see what happens and join this journey with me... there are other changes coming, and I am also trying to decide on boundaries - what to write about, how to write about it, and what pictures are okay (e.g. children)! Post coming on that also...

What are your own personal boundaries regarding blogging about your family? Please share with me!


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