In response to my previous post...
Wednesday 25th August 2010
I should be cleaning the house, or at least packing ready for our weekend away - first long trip for Button! But I haven't posted for a little while, and I don't know when I'll next get time too... so thought I'd pop in here while it is quiet on the home front; bubs has taken a while to settle tonight, so it's later than normal when I finally got the chance to sit down.
Since my last post I have had a bundle of support - thanks SO much to the ladies who have written to me in response, and those who have rung, and those who have visited... it feels like a weight has been lifted! It's like I have now got permission to feel like this, it's not me 'going mad' and it won 't be forever - it's just a glitch, and I can now start to put strategies and things into place to help me through. I think I had got myself to the point of believing that there was something inherently wrong with me, and I am just not cut out to be a Mum. Mr. C has been amazing - after that Thursday he was so worried, that he rang Kristin (Homegroup leader) and asked her to let the other ladies know so that I had regular visitors and support, and he also rang his sister and asked her to pop out and visit me the next day - he didn't want me left alone. Since then we have sat down and discussed some positive strategies that I can start to slowly build into my days, in order to help me cope better.
We bought a new stroller on the weekend, as our other one was second-hand and heavy - it had a mind of its own and I couldn't trust it to go where I was heading ;-)! This one is light-weight, it goes where it is pushed and it is made for walking - I LOVE it; we also bought a Toddler Seat for it at time of purchase, forward thinking (and cost-saving)! The photos of it aren't very good - it's a black stroller and the silver is reflective... I'll try to take better ones (with Button actually in it *grin*) during the day next time!
Mr. C has also fixed the X-Trainer, so on the days I can't get out for a walk - I can do a bit of exercise while Button is asleep. I am now starting to slowly re-introduce some green vegetables to my diet, and seeing how Button copes with it... one thing at a time (currently working slowly on broccoli). Am in the process of inviting more people over, and going to try and make a substantial effort to get out more also. I struggle to swallow big pills, so multi-vits are out - but have some berocca to up my Vitamin B. Hopefully once all these things are put together, life will seem easier and Button that much sweeter ;-)! She really is a lovely baby - but this Mummy has found it hard to see that most days, which is sad and I don't want to be like this.
And if all of these together don't seem to make a significant difference - I promise I'll go to the Doctor and get some professional help... I am not anti-drugs, but I'd just rather try dealing with it my way first. However, I want to enjoy my baby, I don't want to look back on her baby-hood and shudder - or spend the rest of my life feeling guilty because I thought she was hard work, when it wasn't her - it was me.
Thankfully for me, I have a hubby who adores her, would spend all day / everyday with her if he could, and whatever I am currently lacking in - he more than makes up for in her life.
Anyway - I need to go, and at least start my list of things I need to do tomorrow, and what we need to pack and take! Can't survive without my lists!