Thursday 16th December 2010
I just thought I'd do an update on how things are for me now...
Those of you who have been reading my blog for any length of time, or who know me personally; will be aware that when Button was first born I struggled with Post-Natal Depression... it took a few months for me to acknowledge anything was wrong. So easy to keep telling yourself it's because I'm tired, or because it's winter and I'm just not getting out, or because Button isn't well (silent reflux) so I get almost no down-time etc.
And it was, all of the above and more; but put them altogether and I was struggling / suffering quite considerably. I think one of the problems I had reaching out and asking for help is that we had wanted this child for ages, and our homegroup and close friends were all praying for us - it took nine months to get pregnant (not that this is long in the big scheme of things), and I had been getting pretty desperate by the time she came along. So to then turn around and tell people I had PND, it was like saying I no longer wanted her and couldn't cope with this mother-hood thing - which I now know is not true; but I felt like a failure with a capitol 'F' due to the PND. Awful place to find oneself in... Mr. C has taken to parenthood like a duck to water, he loves spending time with her and handled all the crying and lack of sleep (despite working full-time) so much better than I did.
ANYWAY, I digress...
I just wanted to say that since we have got her reflux and sleeping under control, she is a much happier baby and I am a much happier Mummy... I can't believe the difference. I got to thinking about it last night, as we had a friend over for dinner last night and she was asking how I was doing; and gently told me that our homegroup had guessed long before I finally admitted it, that something was wrong and had been praying for us (me) for months before we asked for help. It almost made me cry, as I had started to believe that everyone (in general - not personal to BMG) was judging me and I was just a paranoid first time Mum who couldn't handle the stress of a new born.
We were given so much differing advice regarding whether or not Button had reflux, and what didn't help is that she also still has quite severe wind problems as well... so we kept getting told she'll out-grow it, or it's just wind etc etc. It wasn't until I was well enough to start to trust my own instincts and stand up for her that things started to change... and now the meds are kicking in, she is like a different child and I was right all along. A lesson well learnt, such a shame it was at her expense though; I will never let my child suffer like that again (oh the guilt still)... and if our next one also struggles with this, I'll be dealing with it ASAP as I now know what to look for.
But suffice to say, I feel like a new woman and Button acts like a new child (which means she must be feeling SO much better as well)! And that is really all that matters now...