Why I Finally DID IT!
And yes I know what some of you are going to read into that title - but this is a 'family friendly' blog; honest :-)! And it all points back to this post from a few days ago...
I promised back then I'd explain a little as to why I finally bit the bullet and asked for help; and I also said I'd be using this blog to chronicle the journey - so here is the first installment of my 'Getting Help' Journaling!
The reasons I needed to make that call:
- I cannot sleep:
I have never been a great sleeper through-out my entire life! Mum said she could count on one hand how many times I slept through the night through-out my entire pre-school years! She was getting up to me almost every single night until I started school and was just TOO tired to wake. (I SO wouldn't put up with that from Button or any other child - a couple of bad nights has got to be better than years of interrupted nights!)!
So I am still a bad sleeper - have tried all kinds of things over the years; but other than pregnancy exhaustion when pregnant with Button, nothing has ever lasted long enough to form good habits for me... so here is hoping I can change this, and quickly!!!!!
After having had a reflux baby, and crashing with PND, I have been quite fearful of what could be coming up after this pregnancy! I have not let myself get excited... and while I say all the right things to people (I have the support around me this time, we'll get on top of it straight away this time, I have to keep going out due to Button this time - so no hiding away, at least I know what I could be expecting this time etc etc etc); it hasn't stopped me worrying and becoming quite fearful. In fact I had yet to even become excited or enjoy the pregnancy (and it has been an EASY pregnancy)... but the other day I felt the baby kick for the first time, and got to have cuddles with my 6.5 week old niece - and suddenly those hormones kicked in, and I realised I AM excited (whew) and can't wait to meet this wee one!
- Control Freak:
I am a control freak, and I also need to know in advance what to expect from my day... I don't adapt easily, I don't change my plans easily and I just don't cope with the unexpected. Part of this is due to 'stuff', and part of it is personality - but these 'strengths' are weaknesses when dealing with children, especially at the toddler age. There are days that I feel completely out-of-control and over-whelmed, and yet Button hasn't really done anything to deserve this neurotic and stressed out Mother. I see other Mothers cope with these changes, and worse - and yet I become a blubbering mess over it all. I want strategies in place to help keep me calm and cope with 'general life' issues.
That is enough of the 'real me' for one post ;-)! I think these are the main points that I discussed on Saturday... could be more, but can't think of any others right now.