4 weeks and growing like a mushroom...

'lil M is now almost 5 weeks old - seems quite surreal still really! Other than the extra sleep, I can't remember life without him; and yet these past (almost) 5 weeks have flown by, and we can't believe he has been around this long already!

Above is a four week comparison:
TOP = Button
BOTTOM = 'lil M

Button was more alert, and was awake for many more hours each day by this stage - mainly because of her health issues though, not something we would wish on her or anyone else. I am quite enjoying my sleepy babe, and can't get my head around that this is actually 'normal' behaviour ;-)! He is exhibiting a few similiar traits to Button, but not enough for me to be worried about; and my midwife assures me that the signs he is showing is actually very normal new-born stuff, and not necessarily reflux-related; whew!

I was watching Campbell Live tonight and they had 'The Baby Whisperer' on, and she was spending time with Carly Flynn and her gorgeous 11 week old son Jude; who seemed to be having all the same problems that Button had. It took me back those two years instantly, had me crying quietly into my sleeve (didn't want hubby to see, he thinks I 'should be over it by now')! I could relate so much to her descriptions of Jude and his behaviour, but also her comments about how Tilly (her eldest) was watching 'The Wiggles' over and over again while she had to spend time settling Jude... that is SO us right now also! She cringed and commented 'Bad, bad Mummy' after laughing about that, but I saw tears in her eyes - the guilt that you can't give your first that time you'd like to, even when you have a 'normal' new-born (let alone a 'challenging' one) is all-powerful and all-gripping some days. My poor girl is seeing the raw end of both of us currently, even hubby is starting to react to her more than normal (bubs is still sleeping in our room, so while hubby isn't getting up during the night like I am, he is still getting disturbed nights). The guilt when you realise you have over-reacted YET AGAIN can almost send you back into PND and those dark days... almost! Praise God I have not succumbed to it this time, there have been some hard days - but nothing I haven't managed to survive so far; hubby has had very few 'You have to come home right now' phonecalls, in fact I can say he hasn't had ANY of those ones...although he has had a couple of 'You'd better not be late home tonight, or I won't be responsible for my behaviour' ones!

I really am not getting much time to blog, when I am getting a bit of down-time I am generally too tired to string two words together - let alone an entire blog-post, nor do I have the time to write a post and publish it! I almost didn't write this one up either, as 'lil M was groaning in his sleep about how hungry he is... however, I am pleased I have attempted it, as he has since settled back down and gone to sleep; wahoo!

Hubby thinks I should be doing the same now... so goodnight!


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