I Wanna Be...

Just like HER!

You know, the friend who seems to have it altogether:

The one who always seems to be in-control, even when their kids aren't! 

The one who ALWAYS looks hot, could even pull off just wearing a plastic bag if necessary (seriously, I know a couple of ladies like this *sigh*, I'm a trackies girl... can't do sexy in trackpants)!

The one whose children are lovely - inside and outside! Little cuties who are also well behaved... yep, I think there are people who have kids like this!

The one whose house is always clean and tidy - mine isn't, doesn't matter how hard I try... it just isn't! So please don't come visiting today especially - sick kids for ten days means that there has been NOTHING done. Seriously; a hurricane has hit us and stayed!

The one who always has fresh baking in the cupboards, and healthy meals cooking away on the stove... yep, not in my house!

The one who is always first to visit a sick family, or the family with the new baby - and brings baking / meals / gifts! My family doesn't even get baking...

The one who laughs and has FUN with her children - doesn't wish them grown up, doesn't dream of a break, doesn't scream and yell when they don't sleep. She actually wants to be with them ALL.THE.TIME.

The one who always has time for her kids, husband AND friends! Yet - she manages to pursue her own interests as well... seriously, that sounds like it requires a 36 hour day plus a 10 day week to me; but again, I know a couple of ladies who make this look EASY! It's NOT easy though; at least not for me! I feel like I am always being pulled in a thousand different directions, and still don't meet all expectations.

Can someone please tell me what the secret is?

I remember watching a friend once, it was a while ago now, and she is a friend I respect significantly for the way she is bringing up her kids (and all of the above *grin*!); and her little one had been asleep in her arms. I had popped into the room to feed my little one and had stayed reasonably quiet... however, it wasn't long before her child woke up anyway, she tried resettling him but it just wasn't going to happen. What has stayed with me, and what I loved was the look that passed between them as the baby woke up. He looked up at his Mum in complete adoration, and she smiled when she looked down at him, and seemed so genuinely thrilled he was awake so she could spend more time with him. Me - I would have been huffing and puffing that he had woken so early, I would have tried not to make eye-contact in the hope he'd have gone back to sleep and in the process been muttering to myself about how my day would be ruined now, as his routine was shot!

I remember sitting there watching this private exchange and wishing I could be more like that - wanting to be that kind of Mum! She made me believe (and I assume it is true) that she likes her children, likes being with them... not just because she is their Mum, but because she likes the little people they actually are. Does this make sense?

While I want to be 'that woman' described above; more importantly I want to be 'that Mum' to my kids! I want my children to grow up knowing, that deep down knowing, that we don't just love them because they are our kids and we 'have too'; but because we want to. I want them to know that we love them for the little people (and later on - big people) that they are. We actually enjoy their company, their sense of humour, their companionship... we WANT to spend time with them (I don't mean every minute of every day; but generally speaking we want to be with them)

I want them to look back on their childhood never having had a single doubt about how much they are loved... They may laugh (or cringe) at my cooking, my apparent lack of cleaning skills, and my lack of interest in fashion; but I pray that they also recall many hours of fun times as a family; of hours spent talking and laughing and reading and playing together.

We want our kids to be given every opportunity possible whether it be on the playing field, in the classroom, or within the art/craft/music arena. We want them to push and extend themselves in the field that they are passionate about, in whatever skills they excel in - but we also want them to try other things, to be open to new experiences, to attempt things and not be scared of failure. 

I know this is what every parent wants for their child(ren)... but I think the more important value I want them growing up knowing, is their own worth. I want them to grow up loving and accepting themselves for who they are - not who we want them to be, not who they think they should be; but for the person God created them to be. 

It's late and I am over-thinking this as I am prone to do... and if I keep going down this track, it will stop making sense and start getting boring.

So I'll leave you with this:

Something I need to take on board myself!


Anonymous said…
A great post! I so hear you! Can I just say you can do all of those things but I don't think any one does them all the time no matter how it seems. I can also vividly remember... And I still do it PRETENDING to feel happy when my little person woke up. He he he! Weirdly it makes me feel better! I have many more things I could say but no time. We should get our little people together for a play and I promise not to tidy up :)
Well my Dear - you are all your children ever want - they see you as perfect, and you are perfect for them!! and your DH.
p.s. I was never perfect either and you not only survived, you thrived, against the odds at times, but that has added to your character.
Emily said…
I feel like I could have written this post myself. I feel those exact things pretty much very day so you are not alone.
Simoney said…
Hey Elizabeth, I hear your heart to loud and clear in this post.
I think half the problem is that when we look at others we compare our "reality" with their "perception" - or their "snapshot" with our "video".
I think every single mother struggles and wishes for the things you've mentioned here.
I'll bet if you talked to these ladies you admire you will discover that they also doubt themselves and their parenting skills.

I feel like I need to tell you that (as the mother of kids who are no longer babies) the early years are the craziest. Time for yourself is rare; time for a single sensible conversation or thought is rare.

So Elizabeth I hope you won't be hard on yourself, and wonder why others seem to be able to "be HER" and you can't? You're not alone, honest.
Supermum is an evil myth dreamt up by ad agencies to torment women the world over!

PS Glad you got to link up.
meg said…
You know she doesn't exist right? I have moments of fun and joy and tidiness and time for myself and baking and then stretches of grumpiness and yelling and frustration and exhaustion.

Supermum is an illusion.

We're all doing the best we can I think. I tend to only blog the fun stuff because that's what I like to remember and focus on but I have a lot of the same issues as you do.
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