Breathing Space...

Just keeping it real here folks - if you don't like whingy posts, probably not worth reading any further ;-)!

It's the new year, and I had really expected to bounce into it; what with hubby having had a whole month off, the beautiful weather, and the kids that bit older and not requiring night feeds etc! But it feels like I have gone into the new year with a sleep deficit, a sanity deficit, a happy deficit and generally extra-grumpiness on top of the already tired, grumpy Mummy the kids deal with daily!

I realised the other day that I have only had one day away from the kids since Button was born 2 and 3/4 years ago... and that was LAST summer. That means I have been feeding, changing, playing, cooking, cleaning, wiping tears, kissing, cuddling and generally been the main care-giver of my two delights 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year for the last 2 and 3/4 years, bar one day! I think that comes to approx. 1006 days (well, 1005 then), and about 24,120 hours (of course this is calculated at the 24 hours, some of which is used for sleeping... but never a deep sleep, I don't think I even remember how to sleep through an entire night; let alone remember the last time I managed to)!

And it feels like it is now catching up with me... I am starting to lose my mind! Seriously now, don't laugh! I have had the odd day like this before, but have generally managed to shake it off fairly easily - but it's been the whole week; I was such a mess yesterday that hubby took the day off.

I am yelling at the kids for everything, even the baby... I feel fleetingly guilty (but never for long, because then someone does something else to make me mad), I don't want to sit and play - I just want to get the housework over and done with as it is, ahem, annoying me; I am sick to death of cooking / cleaning / washing / folding / ironing (oops, that's not me - we don't even own an iron!), and generally having expectations thrown at me by everyone.

I just want a day by myself - no cleaning, no cooking, no children, no expectations... but, no can do; baby is still being fed (breastfed).

It has been a rough morning - both kids are as tired as I am, neither are sleeping well either, and so it has been a day of tantrums and tears.

Please excuse me while I have my own little tanty... I am sure I will feel better afterwards:



Miriam said…
if hubby is home over the weekend feed baby and then leave the house for as long as able until next feed. Take a book/magazine.... go to a cafe/library somewhere you can be an adult... maybe take a journal. You need some time for your own sanity and the strength of your precious family..... okay that's my piece ;-) take care of you!
Amy said…
Sorry to hear things are getting you down. Sounds like you need that day to yourself. Borrow a bottle, express some milk, and get someone to look after the kids. They will survive. Lil M even. He probably won't like it, but he will come out unharmed. Your kids need a sane mum more than anything! Why don't you see if when your folks are next visiting, you can leave the kids with them for a couple of hours and go out for coffee (when Lil M is asleep maybe?)...we try to go for a walk when we visit and Munchkin is asleep. Those little bits of sanity make all the difference.
Praying you make it through and find the peace you are needing.
Ruth said…
I agree with both the above! "if Mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy"! Let's book a coffee next week... Although of course it won't be a coffee for me ;)
Hmmm - not a good place to be in, but not that uncommon :-(
Will try and help you have some 'space' while we are up.
Love and blessings
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