I often think about you, wondering if the feeling is mutual. Wondering if maybe, somewhere, sometimes - you think back and wonder what I am doing now as well. I don't know what happened, why we lost contact over the years - possibly just 'busyness', and being at different stages in our lives... possibly. But sometimes I wonder if there is more; if maybe I hurt you somewhere along the way, unintentionally, and you chose to turn away - rather than risk more hurt.
My friend - if that is the case, please accept my unequivocal apology... I have never once, ever, meant to hurt you. But if I have, I would love the opportunity, one day, to make amends and to apologise to you in person.
I suspect you never really knew the depth of my admiration for you... I know you have faced demons in your past, and yet you stand strong and firm today. Your strength in the face of this is astounding - the work you have put in to be the person you are today, has always resounded deeply with me; as I can understand some of what it has taken. You have worked hard to be the best Wife and Mother you can be, for your precious family - and now that I am in the same position, I am in awe of you even more. It is hard work, really hard work - and you shine through like a beacon, reminding me that it IS possible, and well worth the sacrifices.
You were one of the first people to introduce me to 'real' blogging - your blog was AMAZING, and I loved reading it. I was attempting a very pathetic one at the time, and really hoped one day to be able to write as beautifully as you do. But suddenly it disappeared... just after I had written about your blog, encouraging people to pop in and read it. I often wonder if it was this that made you delete it - maybe you hadn't wanted it open to the whole world, I guess this is something I may never know. But I hope, with everything in me, that it wasn't me that put you off blogging; you have a very real gift that should be shared!
I was aware of your talent quite early in our friendship, as you blessed me with the opportunity to read some of your writing; believing me to be the talented one. Oh how I wish I had lived up to your expectations, but I got jealous and never finished reading that project you'd so lovingly put together; this meant I never came back to you with the feedback you desired either. I came across it years later, when packing (or unpacking) from one of our many moves over the years - this time I sat down, and gave it the time and attention it deserved, your story was so beautifully written and kept me riveted. I wish I'd taken the opportunity to have encouraged you at the time, rather than wave it off as 'just another article'. You have a very beautiful way with words... I remember years later, seeing this same story (although a shortened version) in print in a magazine or newspaper somewhere, and seeing your name in print as the author. Gave me goosebumps, and really increased the admiration I have for you; you obviously never gave up, and have been able to put it out there for other people to read and critique, despite the rotten start I gave you.
My friend - I have no idea if you're still at the same address, or use the same e-mail; I don't really know where to begin in regard to renewing contact. I don't know if you're aware that I blog now, or if you follow my blog privately. I do know though, that if you're reading this - you'll know it is you I am talking about... so on the off-chance, and with a quick prayer, I hope this will find you in some way and at some stage; and somehow we will be able to reconnect; if for nothing else, to lay ghosts at rest, and give me the chance to apologise should it be required.
PS - Whew, that last sentence is a LONG one, you can breathe now!