Would The Real Me Please Stand Up!
Urggghhhh - sorry for the corny title; but I just can't get it out of my head 😆!
I have been doing some gentle thinking behind the busyness of life lately... This year was meant to have been 'the year of me'; a chance for me to start refocusing on me, my health, and some good habits and hobbies. The year started well - I committed to reading my bible daily, and have continued this through-out the year, and I then started a couple of exercise classes a week as well... I really enjoyed it, but timing-wise, it was difficult to get out to as it was right on dinner / bath / bedtime for the kids.
But once Dad passed away everything got too difficult, and this was one of the things I dropped.
The other day I was bemoaning to hubby that our daughter doesn't naturally go and pick up a book to read - she'd rather pick up the tablet, or our phones, and watch something on YouTube. She loves reading, she is very good at reading - but it isn't a natural relaxation habit for her yet. His comment was - she doesn't see us read either, she see's us on our phones. This made me really stop and think... he is right, I know longer just read for the sake of reading, I keep using the excuse I don't have enough time, but it's just an excuse.
I started re-thinking this whole 'Year of Me', and wondered what my real aim was with this - was it really about setting up good habits and hobbies, or was it about stopping, breathing, and 'finding me' once more in the busyness of life... Not me the mother, not me the wife, not me the daughter, not me the work colleague, not me the friend... just me, the me I know. I want to rediscover what makes me tick, what gets me excited, what gets my heart pumping, what dreams and goals I have, what kind of legacy I want to leave behind for my kids. This has all been lost in life - in all the roles I have had to take on, in the busyness of family and work; this is normal, I know... but it's time to go back to the basics!
And for me - the basics have always been reading and writing...
This is what makes me happy, it is what ticks all the boxes and makes my heart sing. Reading, writing, oh and FOOD of course 😋😁!
So this week I have made a very concerted effort to get back on track - I have been writing in my journal, I have picked up a Mauve Binchy book that has been sitting beside my bed for months, and I have written my first poem in YEARS!
I have also bought some multi-vits, and am having these daily together with extra magnesium to help with sleep. I have also been out for two runs, and am trying to be more aware of what I eat! Obviously these are not my top priorities at this stage, I am not trying to do everything at once - it's more a case of fitting these in when I can... and I am not going to deny myself in the food area either, just be more aware. As time goes on, I am going to concentrate more on my health, but right now I need to just get back to basics and relax up on social media more.
I also want to have more fun - like this:
The kids thought it was hilerious, and laughed so much as they 'did my hair' for me that afternoon - I want more of that with my kids, I tend to be more focused on 'getting things done' especially in the kitchen, as I only get the weekends. But the kids won't remember whether or not they got home baked goods that week in their lunchboxes, however they will remember days like the above - the laughter, the fun and the memories we made together.
So hopefully you will see less of me on social media, but more of 'me' on here as I write more, share more and be more real... more me! I don't know what shape that will take - whether it may mean sharing more of my scribbles, or just more of my days - only time will tell, I don't even know where this blog is going to go, if anywhere (maybe I will finally quit it altogether *shudder*, I just don't know yet).
But to get started on this journey - let me share my poem from the other night; this is scary for me, I haven't shared a lot of my personal writing on here in the past, as I fear negative feedback so much; I am very unsure of whether I am really capable of writing or not. But it's time to stand up and face the fear head on - maybe I can write, maybe I can't; but it's not about that anymore, it's about getting back to me again. Finding me... it's about what makes me tick, makes me happy - it doesn't matter whether or not I can be considered a 'writer'.
So *deep breath*... here it is (no title yet):
The buds are now just starting,
To peek out and display their colour,
Like magic springing forth,
That's been lying dormant for years.
As the land begins to sparkle,
And bursts forth with life once more,
I try to grab this sweet reminder,
Holding onto the promise it brings.
The darkest winter lies behind me,
Those long days and heavier nights,
My pillow has been wet with sorrow,
Silently those tears did fall.
But now it's time to step beyond,
To see the sun and smile again,
To take the colour and the sparkle,
And allow myself to live once more.
You'd have never wanted me,
To stay behind the curtain of grief,
So in faith I take the next step,
And follow the path before me now.
Remembering that life is short,
Take the chances, enjoy the day,
Keep your memory close to my soul,
And live my life to make you proud.
Do the right thing; stay strong, stand firm.
Lessons learnt from watching you,
Love on your children and tell them daily,
Pick those flowers and have that swing.
Loving fiercely and for life,
Enjoy the small things offered up,
Out for coffee and the sunshine,
Holding hands yet deep in quiet.
Be their greatest cheerleader,
And take them daily into prayer,
Offer praise and gentleness,
Always there when hazards come.
And I love the strength of knowing,
That you're never far away,
Looking down and watching over,
My life will never be the same.
So thank you Dad for everything,
You are my hero, my champion,
I will live my life in honour,
And make you proud to the very end.
So - thanks for taking the time to read this, hopefully I will be seeing more of you around here, and you'll be seeing a lot more of me!