💔 HAPPY FATHERS DAY DAD 💔
This Fathers Day was particularly rough - even more than I had anticipated; how do you celebrate Fathers Day when your Father is no longer with you?
I hadn't realised how deeply this would effect me - we have never been big into celebrating these holidays as a family; so I had hoped to glide through the day fairly unscathed, and keep my focus on my husband instead.
But it didn't really work that way... hubby could see what was happening, and he suggested we skip church and head up to the cemetery instead; which was just what I needed. It was wet, windy and very cold - not quite as bad as the day of the funeral, but we had to laugh at the similarities. The kids took some flowers up, and I had written out a card for Dad, which I placed on his grave:
Some days I can't quite believe that I'll never see him again; it just doesn't make sense, other days it's like a punch in the guts and a pain in my chest - making it difficult to breathe. And yet still other days I can go all day without shedding a tear, or feeling sad whenever I think about him... Grief is a strange journey, and it takes everyone on a slightly different path.
I know writing has been very therapeutic for me personally, but not everyone processes things this way - but I am so grateful I sat down and wrote up Dad's final month with us; and I am sure my family will appreciate this special memento in time as well.
Last night I sat down to try and get down on paper just what Daffodil Day means to me now... but instead, the poem below came about; I didn't try writing this, it just came naturally.
There was a Dad-shaped hole
In my afternoon
A hole you should have filled
But you were gone to soon
They said it would take 12 months
Before you had to go
And yet it wasn't half of that
How little did they know
I wish we could have realised this
On Father's Day year gone
I wonder what I could have done
To make your last one shine
Did I do enough Dad?
Did you really understand?
Have I got the photo proof?
Did I even hold your hand?
Or did I take you for granted
Assuming you understood
Not telling you as often
As all the times I should
I wish I could remember
Back then a year ago
Just what I did that day
To let my love show
So as we face this year
Without you by our side
Let us not forget to tell others
Let us not begin to hide
We need to let our loved ones know
How much they mean to us
Don't let another year go by
Without showering them with love
©Elizabeth Collins, 2017
Please don't take for granted your loved ones - I know this is very cliche, but it is also very true; you just never know when your time (or their time) is up. Make sure you tell them you love them, make sure they know how you feel...
This is one thing I don't have any regrets about - we were close, and so I know without a doubt, that Dad knew how much I loved him. He often thanked me and hubby for always being there, and for helping them out often; but they'd helped us out on many occasions as well - I guess that is what families do.
But now, this is all I have left; memories and a grave.
Happy Fathers Day Dad;
I love you to the moon and back.
And I still don't know how I have been doing life without you.
One day I will see you again,
Your loving daughter,